


All's Unfair

by TheIntelligentHufflepuff



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bitter Bucky, Jealous Bucky Barnes, Lots of sighing over Steve but not, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Sneaky Peggy, Unrequited Love, actually all that much Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 14:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8059684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIntelligentHufflepuff/pseuds/TheIntelligentHufflepuff
Summary: They say all's fair in love and war. Bucky disagrees. Love's worse.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any mistakes I'm kinda really tired and I'm not sure what my point was in this at all tbh
> 
> WARNING: brief graphic description of a hypothetical murder scene
> 
> [EDITED 10th July 2018: clarity]

They say all's fair in love and war; Bucky disagrees. War is blood and death and fear and hate, but love is so much worse. Love is shackles on his wrists, dragging him further and further in to hell with the futile, agonising hope of a better day. Love is the twisted, wicked thing writhing inside him and baying for blood- soothing at Steve's side and Steve's alone. Love is the agony of red lips, a redder dress and that one single, eternal moment when he realises... She loves Steve. Steve loves her.

Bucky Barnes is as good as dead.

He doesn't tell Steve, though. Doesn't. Can't. Won't even if, by some satanic miracle, Steve discovers his affliction. One heart breaking is enough, and Bucky's is doing an exemplary job. No need to mix Steve up in his own sorry cautionary tale.

Though Steve seems intent on mixing Bucky up in his. Not that Bucky cares; his answer is a given.

Captain America can go fuck himself, but the war will have to prise Steven Grant Rogers from his cold, dead hands.

It's poetic, in a morbid sort of way, Bucky muses as he watches his best friend flirt. Steve already took his heart and gave it to Peggy to crush under her sharp heel. He may as well rip Bucky's life and soul away from him too.

No. That's not fair. What Bucky gave Steve, he gave willingly; if not knowingly. He has given and will give Steve everything. Anything.

Love's a fucking bastard.

At least Bucky's epiphany waited until he was in a POW camp. If he'd know he was in love in Brooklyn there's no telling what Bucky would do. Probably something that ended up with him beaten to a pulp in an alley, cock cut off and shoved in to his screaming mouth. God. It's a cold comfort.

"I'm going to head in, maybe try to round up these idiots." Steve smiles, breaking through the haze of existential agony that has descended around Bucky "You good here?"

"Mm." Bucky hums, sucker punched with Steve’s presence, warmth, solidity; with Steve. Bucky’s heart leaves after one more, slightly concerned, smile, and Bucky...

Bucky returns to the company of his old friend hard liquor.

Life goes on. The Commandos become allies, become comrades, become friends. They plan. They fight. They bleed. While Zola haunts Bucky's nights, the perfectly trimmed, prettily pressed image in Steve's compass haunts his days. Steve's eyes meet hers across maps and battlefields, Bucky's scope remains fixed on his back. They court, slowly. Bucky dies, slowly.

It's not just the envy that kills him, it's the pride beating through his veins as he watches Steve lead armies in blazing, blinding, angelic glory. A wondrous showcase of everything Bucky adores in Steve, but can never attain. 

There's a lot of things he can't have. A letter from home, for example, would be nice.

Speaking of home: Steve's been talking, about the future and Peggy. Why wouldn't he be? Steve has dragged their unit through thick and thin with unflinching bravery and a fierce protectiveness that matches even Bucky's dedication to his men. Of course he'll get them through the war. Except, the problem is, Bucky can't imagine home. He doesn't think he has one. Sure, his mother would have him for a while, but Bucky's seen shellshock in enough men to recognise the symptoms in himself, and Winifred Barnes isn't getting younger. Staying with Steve would have been Bucky’s second bet (or rather, honestly, guiltily, his first) but Bucky would wager his last pack of cigarettes on Steve planning to make an honest woman of Peggy at the earliest convenience so long as she stays around, and he doesn't want to get mixed up in that.

Which is not the attitude he should have when his best friend is facing possibly the most exciting, fulfilling chapter of his life.

But, shit, if he doesn't wish he was taking Peggy's place.

"You dislike me."

"Uh." Bucky blinks at Peggy, who has materialised in front of him in full SSR uniform like she was summoned by his bitter internal monologue.

Peggy raises an eyebrow in an expression so similar to Steve's that Bucky wonders for a moment if it's some kind of weird mating thing. Then he stops wondering pretty quickly.

"I don't dislike you." Bucky replies, forcing civility in to a voice that is itching to snarl.

"But you don't want me to be around." Peggy presses. Damn women and their damn intuition.

"I couldn't possibly comment."

Peggy's lips twitch, satisfied. She folds her hands in front of her- such delicate hands on such a powerful woman "Not even if I asked nicely?"

Bucky's jaw clenches despite himself.

"Well, I'll tell you my own theory instead." Peggy breezes on, like they're at some sort of job interview instead of  in a drizzly forest in continental Europe "I believe that you are envious of the relationship I have with Captain Rogers but you don't wish for anyone to find out, so you have bottled up your annoyance to direct at me."

Bucky's blood runs cold. He plasters on a smile and laughs "I'm sure that you're under a lot of stress, ma'am, so I can forgive you this time, but what you just said couldn't possibly be true. Steve is my friend, and I like women."

Peggy smiles, too, the grin of someone who's completed a checkmate in record time.

"I didn't mention that my relationship with Captain Rogers is romantic in nature."

Bucky just looks at her, processing, until "Shit!"

Shit, she knows. She knows and she'll have Bucky ejected from the army, he'll have to leave Steve to fight alone, he'll never be able to face his family again. Worse, she'll pity him...

"Calm yourself, Sergeant Barnes." Peggy commands, not unkindly "You're not the only one."

"I'm not...But, Steve!"

Peggy scoffs "Yes, Steve. And others, too, at various points."

Bucky pressed his eyes shut and bares his throat, tilting his head back to expose his eyelids to the cold precipitation. Head on straight, he meets Peggy's eyes and asks the most important question "But you do love him? Properly?"

Something fond flickers across Peggy's face, and she answers with certainty "Yes, I believe I do."

"You'll look after him? Protect him?"

"Yes." She answers again, a little exasperation to her tone.

And that's it. Bucky's gone- no drama to it, nothing to be remembered through the ages. Just one simple affirmation that Steve will be in good hands, and all the tenuous hope holding back the poison in Bucky's veins evaporates.

Maybe it's an omen, maybe it's just anxiety about the stupid ass mission Steve has them running the next day. But when Peggy turns and strides away, Bucky can swear he hears the tolling of a bell.


End file.
